Appreciation

I have been holding true to my commitment thus far. It's been difficult. Sometimes I don't want to wake up and pray. Sometimes I don't want to read His word. I can tell that it's not my heart that resists but my mind. It tries to talk me out of doing what's best for my soul. It listens to the voices of this world that tell me to be productive and function and keep doing and doing.

I desire Abba. I am yours Abba. I need you in my life. I need you every day. I need you to comfort and protect me. I desire your love. Abba I am yours.

adversity

I have been following my plan to read the Bible, journal, and pray daily. It has been difficult to follow even this simple activity. The walls that I have built up in my life to protect me are hindering my progress on my spiritual journey. It's frustrating b/c I can see that it is happening and yet I feel I have no power to overcome. Maybe, the point is that I don't have power. This is another situation in which my human weakness prevents me from reaching out to God, namely my pride.

My mood and general disposition have been quite sour. I admit to being to unkind to my fellow human being. I admit to being unkind to myself. I find that I am failing to hold to true to my commitment for Lent, but each day I will try again. Each day I will pray more and seek God to help me through the temptations of sin.

Living in the present moment is a skill that I want to practice. This means that I am trusting God with everything I am and abiding in Him right now. This is much harder than one might imagine. Our world teaches us to plan ahead and be ready for anything. It gives us the message that we are in control when in fact we are not.

My prayer today is that God will be gentle with me as I journey through this desert. That He will open my eyes, ears, and heart so that they will only respond to His voice.

Day 1

Today has been interesting. It's the day of my baptismal birthday. I am so grateful to be called a daughter of a King. I read a verse this morning from an email that I get everyday, it says, "When you had heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and had believed in Christ you, were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit." Ephesians 1:13

I thought this verse is perfect for my baptismal birthday, to remind me that I have been marked with the seal of the Holy Spirit.

Part of this journey of 40 days that I am taking is about finding myself in God or finding or finding my identity in God....which also goes along with trusting in God. There are many concepts which are all connected and can only be understood in simple terms by separating them from the whole. Separating them from the whole hardly does them justice. I am not trying to understand the fullness of Christ all at once. I have no power to do that. I have no power to forward myself in this journey, I can only present myself as I am before Christ professing my many sins, and asking for forgiveness and strength in repentance.

I pray that God will fill me with His love and give me the discernment to do His will. I am His servant.

The emotional toll of my bodily sickness has weighed me down today. I feel depressed, but I keep praying that God might use my weakness to bring me closer to Him. I pray that I might learn deeper meanings and truth from the death of my own dreams and the surrender of my will to Christ.

I am a meager servant, only by His grace have I been saved and I am forever thankful. I hope that by His grace He might let me experience His great love and peace that I so long for.

Ash Wednesday

This is the beginning of the 40-day fast. I am excited and nervous. I truly want to hold true to my promises. I want to go through this time and give everything I have and everything I am to Christ.

I was reading a little on Lent, and the passage referred to Jesus spending 40 days in the desert where he was tempted 3 times by satan. All 3 times Jesus cited scripture to fight the temptations that satan offered. When I think about this in the context of my own life, I realize that I do not go straight to scripture or straight to God when fighting temptations of sin. I instead try to rely on my own resources and I end up falling into the sin no matter what I try. If Jesus turns to God in His temptations, then who am I to say that I am stronger than Jesus? I clearly am far less powerful and wise and loving than Jesus. I am weak and prideful and vain. I need His help. I need His guidance in every decision that I make in every thought that I think and in every word that comes out of my mouth.

My prayer today is that God would enter my heart and give me the strength to overcome temptation and sins. That He would be Lord over my life and guide me through this wilderness. I desire to only to turn to Him, but even in turning to Him I am weak and often falter. His will be done. I am His servant.

Lent Fasting Final List:

*no purging
*daily prayer/meditation
*daily scripture reading
*daily taking insulin and blood sugars
*daily nutrition
*daily journaling
*daily spiritual reading

This list might seem long, but this is my small attempt to give up or surrender things that I know are keeping me from the love of God. I will probably be posting here, quite often, b/c I want to keep true to this list and this commitment.

May the Lord bless and guide me on this 40 day journey.

2/22/12

Is the beginning of Lent. It is also the anniversary of my baptism, which I think is significant.

Just a recap of my Lent fasting:

*no purging
*reading God's word daily
*daily prayer
*taking blood sugar and insulin
*journaling
*taking time for spiritual reading
*finding ways to connect to God and others

I want to journal about this experience here, but also in my journal. I think it's important to have both as an outlet. This small list may not seem like much to some people, but for me it will be quite difficult. However, I want to humble myself before God and give Him the things which I am attached to. I want to surrender my wants and my dreams to Him so that I might take on the identity of Christ and the will of Christ.

Different types of fasting:

I have been thinking about my desire to fast for the 40 days of lent and I have reconsidered the juice fasting aspect. I am not in the best health to be doing a 40 day juice fast. I also think that for me a juice fast would not be an act of honoring God b/c I would make it about me.

New Fast:
*refraining from Facebook
*keep a daily journal, meditating, and praying
*fasting from willfulness--I tend to be a willful person, meaning that I go with what I want and what I say, so the idea is that I will rely on God rather than my own will.
*fasting from self destructive coping mechanisms--this is just to say that for the next 40 days I want to do my best to take care of my bodily health, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I think that this list is more along the lines of things that I have heard God speaking into my life. Right now, I have begun to develop the habit of praying and reading His word daily. I have also started to journal again. I good word for the next 40 days is simplicity.

May God guide me and all those who seek Him.

Seeking God Daily

I struggle with finding my identity in Christ. I have this thought that there is some big thing I need to do to change or become different. The truth is, it might be simpler than I thought.

I can see that we become like that which we love. If I begin to seek Christ, to know Him, also understanding that ultimately I can't 'know' everything about HIm....but to be in conversation and communion with Him. I am beginning to see that this may be the way. This may be the way to finding my identity in Christ.

I have had a rough day with emotions and physical sickness. When these things happen (which they happen often) I find myself seeking out temporary solutions to my pain. I seek out control over my chores and daily activities, control over my intake of food and the amount of exercise I do....and my seeking goes on and on and I never find satisfaction in these things. I am starting to see that with every temptation, with every thought that is disordered, with every situation and feeling and thought in my life, I need God. I need to go to God in prayer. Fervent prayer, unceasing prayer.

Spiritual

Receiving God's best blessing from a fast requires solid commitment. Arranging special time each day with God is absolutely crucial in attaining intimate communion with the Father. You must devote yourself to seeking God's face, even (and especially) during those times in which you feel weak, vulnerable, or irritable. Read His Word and pray during what were mealtimes. Meditate on Him when you awake in the night. Sing praises to Him whenever you please. Focus on your Heavenly Father and make every act one of praise and worship. God will enable you to experience His command to "pray without ceasing" as you seek His presence.

As you enter this time of heightened spiritual devotion, be aware that Satan will do everything he can to pull you away from your prayer and Bible reading time. When you feel the enemy trying to discourage you, immediately go to God in prayer and ask Him to strengthen your resolve in the face of difficulties and temptations.

The enemy makes you a target because he knows that fasting is the most powerful of all Christian disciplines and that God may have something very special to show you as you wait upon Him and seek His face. Satan does not want you to grow in your faith, and will do anything from making you hungry and grumpy to bringing up trouble in your family or at work to stop you. Make prayer your shield against such attacks.

My major reason for fasting is for personal revival, revival for our nation, for the world and for the fulfillment of the Great Commission. But praying for our own needs and interceding for others are also important reasons to fast and pray. Bring your personal needs before the Lord, intercede for your loved ones, your friends, your church, your pastor, your community, your nation, and the world. By your prayers of humility, as you fast, you will help the Great Commission be fulfilled.

However, do not become so caught up in praying for yourself and others that you forget about simply reverencing and praising God. True spiritual fasting focuses on God. Center your total being on Him, your attitudes, your actions, your motives, desires, and words. This can only take place if God and His Holy Spirit are at the center of our attention. Confess your sins as the Holy Spirit brings them to your attention and continue to focus on God and God alone so that your prayers may be powerful and effective.

A renewed closeness with God and a greater sensitivity to spiritual things are usually the results of a fast. Do not be disappointed if you do not have a "mountaintop experience," as some do. Many people who have successfully completed extended fasts tell of feeling a nearness to God that they have never before known, but others who have honestly sought His face report no particular outward results at all. For others, their fast was physically, emotionally, and spiritually grueling, but they knew they had been called by God to fast, and they completed the fast unto Him as an act of worship; God honored that commitment.

Your motive in fasting must be to glorify God, not to have an emotional experience, and not to attain personal happiness. When your motives are right, God will honor your seeking heart and bless your time with Him in a very special way.

A few guidelines

For an extended fast, I recommend water and fruit and vegetable juices. The natural sugars in juices provide energy, and the taste and strength are motivational to continue your fast. Try to drink fresh juices, if possible. Off-the-shelf juice products are acceptable, as long as they are 100% juice with no sugar or other additives.

If you are beginning a juice fast, there are certain juices you may wish to avoid and certain ones that are especially beneficial. Because of their acid content, most nutritionists do not advise orange or tomato juice (these are better tolerated if mixed with equal portions of water). The best juices are fresh carrot, grape, celery, apple, cabbage, or beet. They also recommend "green drinks" made from green leafy vegetables because they are excellent "de-toxifiers."

Fruit juices are "cleansers" and are best taken in the morning. Since vegetable juices are "restorers" and "builders," they are best taken in the afternoon.

I usually dedicate a portion of my 40-day fast to a special liquid formula, which I have found to be effective over many years. A few recipes and my comments are on this page, as well as a helpful schedule.

One gallon distilled water
1-1/2 cup lemon juice
3/4-cup pure maple syrup
1/4-teaspoon cayenne pepper.

The lemon juice adds flavor and vitamin C, the maple syrup provides energy, and the cayenne pepper -- an herb -- acts to open small blood vessels which, I believe, helps the body as it cleanses itself of stored toxins. (A word of caution: although I use this formula with no ill effects, cayenne pepper could cause severe physical reactions in persons with a specific allergy to this herb.)
My favorite juice is a mixture of 100% pure white grape juice and peach juice. The juice is available in frozen cans under the Welch label. Most knowledgeable nutritionists recommend:

• Watermelon -- just put it in the blender without adding water
• Fresh apple juice
• Green juice -- blend celery, romaine lettuce, and carrots in equal proportions. (Vegetable juices like this one are important, for they supply the electrolytes necessary for proper heart function!)

Some nutritionists recommend warm broth, especially if you live in a colder climate. You may find their recipes helpful:

• Boil sliced potatoes, carrots, and celery in water.
  Do not add salt.
  After about a half-hour, drain off the water and drink.
• Gently boil three carrots, two stalks of celery, one turnip, two beats, a half head of cabbage, a quarter of a bunch of parsley, a quarter of an onion, and a half clove of garlic
  Drain off the broth and drink up to two or three times daily.

You may find the following daily schedule helpful during your fast. I recommend you print it and keep it handy throughout your fast.

• 5:00 a.m. - 8:00 a.m.
  Fruit juices, preferably freshly squeezed or blended, diluted in 50 percent distilled water if the fruit is acid. Orange, apple, pear, grapefruit, papaya, grape, peach or other fruits are good.
• 10:30 a.m. - noon
  Green vegetable juice made from lettuce, celery, and carrots in three equal parts.
• 2:30 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.
  Herb tea with a drop of honey. Make sure that it is not black tea or tea with a stimulant.
• 6:00 p.m. - 8:30 p.m.
  Broth from boiled potatoes, celery, and carrots (no salt).

I suggest that you do not drink milk because it is a pure food and therefore a violation of the fast. Any product containing protein or fat, such as milk or soy-based drinks, should be avoided. These products will restart the digestion cycle and you will again feel hunger pangs. Also, for health reasons, stay away from caffeinated beverages such as coffee, tea, or cola. Because caffeine is a stimulant, it has a more powerful effect on your nervous system when you abstain from food. This works both against the physical and spiritual aspects of the fast.

Another key factor in maintaining optimum health during a fast is to limit your physical activity. Exercise only moderately, and rest as much as your schedule will permit (this especially applies to extended fasts). Short naps are helpful as well. Walking a mile or two each day at a moderate pace is acceptable for a person in good health, and on a juice fast. However, no one on a water fast should exercise without the supervision of a fasting specialist.

the information I found on fasting

• Fasting was an expected discipline in both the Old and New Testament eras. For example, Moses fasted at least two recorded forty-day periods. Jesus fasted 40 days and reminded His followers to fast, "when you fast," not if you fast.
• Fasting and prayer can restore the loss of the "first love" for your Lord and result in a more intimate relationship with Christ.
• Fasting is a biblical way to truly humble yourself in the sight of God (Psalm 35:13; Ezra 8:21). King David said, "I humble myself through fasting."
• Fasting enables the Holy Spirit to reveal your true spiritual condition, resulting in brokenness, repentance, and a transformed life.
• The Holy Spirit will quicken the Word of God in your heart and His truth will become more meaningful to you!
• Fasting can transform your prayer life into a richer and more personal experience.
• Fasting can result in a dynamic personal revival in your own life-and make you a channel of revival to others.
• Fasting and prayer are the only disciplines that fulfill the requirements of II Chronicles 7:14:

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

If you fast, you will find yourself being humbled as I did. You will discover more time to pray and seek God's face. And as He leads you to recognize and repent of unconfessed sin, you will experience special blessings from God.

February 13th

Tomorrow begins the slow movent towards my fast and radical life changes. I'm nervous b/c I know I will be tempted spiritually, emotionally, and physically and mentally. This is my time to enter in to desert and worship my Abba with all of my being. Through out this fast I will center myself in Him for it is only by His strength that I will overcome my temptations.

I will be gentle and care for myself through this process giving myself grace and asking for the grace and mercy of Abba to lead me through this unknown wilderness. My prayer tonight is that this process will be enlightening, fulfilling, fruitful, and overall movement towards order in Christ.

Lent and Fasting

This lent (Feb. 22-April 5) I will be fasting from several things. I am taking the time now to prepare for this fast. I will also keep a blog here about the effects of my fast on my mind, heart, spirit, and physical well being.

I am not doing this for the world to know about or to understand. I am doing this because I am a servant of Jesus.

Fasting from:

*Facebook

*'treatment'

*pills

*water/juice fast: for the duration of Lent I will be doing a juice fast during the weekdays and water fasts on the weekends.

*no phone contact on the weekend

*incorporating daily meditation and prayer (most important aspect of the fasting process, so that I might not lose sight of the reasons)

*no youtube, T.V. or movies

This is to glorify Christ...so I will be attending a Bible study, church, and group meetings weekly.

For the next week I will slowly start weaning myself off of whole foods and caffeine. I will slowly stop using facebook and other social media outlets, besides blogging.

I desire Christ and I desire a deeper relationship with Him. I also desire face time with real people, so I will not be isolating myself. I will be meeting with friends weekly to discuss life and other such things.

My life is a mess right now. I hope that this helps to detox my system of all my junk. I want simplicity.

This is the beginning.

Tomorrow begins the liquids fasting...with progression to juice and water fasting.