I have been holding true to my commitment thus far. It's been difficult. Sometimes I don't want to wake up and pray. Sometimes I don't want to read His word. I can tell that it's not my heart that resists but my mind. It tries to talk me out of doing what's best for my soul. It listens to the voices of this world that tell me to be productive and function and keep doing and doing.
I desire Abba. I am yours Abba. I need you in my life. I need you every day. I need you to comfort and protect me. I desire your love. Abba I am yours.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
adversity
I have been following my plan to read the Bible, journal, and pray daily. It has been difficult to follow even this simple activity. The walls that I have built up in my life to protect me are hindering my progress on my spiritual journey. It's frustrating b/c I can see that it is happening and yet I feel I have no power to overcome. Maybe, the point is that I don't have power. This is another situation in which my human weakness prevents me from reaching out to God, namely my pride.
My mood and general disposition have been quite sour. I admit to being to unkind to my fellow human being. I admit to being unkind to myself. I find that I am failing to hold to true to my commitment for Lent, but each day I will try again. Each day I will pray more and seek God to help me through the temptations of sin.
Living in the present moment is a skill that I want to practice. This means that I am trusting God with everything I am and abiding in Him right now. This is much harder than one might imagine. Our world teaches us to plan ahead and be ready for anything. It gives us the message that we are in control when in fact we are not.
My prayer today is that God will be gentle with me as I journey through this desert. That He will open my eyes, ears, and heart so that they will only respond to His voice.
My mood and general disposition have been quite sour. I admit to being to unkind to my fellow human being. I admit to being unkind to myself. I find that I am failing to hold to true to my commitment for Lent, but each day I will try again. Each day I will pray more and seek God to help me through the temptations of sin.
Living in the present moment is a skill that I want to practice. This means that I am trusting God with everything I am and abiding in Him right now. This is much harder than one might imagine. Our world teaches us to plan ahead and be ready for anything. It gives us the message that we are in control when in fact we are not.
My prayer today is that God will be gentle with me as I journey through this desert. That He will open my eyes, ears, and heart so that they will only respond to His voice.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Day 1
Today has been interesting. It's the day of my baptismal birthday. I am so grateful to be called a daughter of a King. I read a verse this morning from an email that I get everyday, it says, "When you had heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and had believed in Christ you, were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit." Ephesians 1:13
I thought this verse is perfect for my baptismal birthday, to remind me that I have been marked with the seal of the Holy Spirit.
Part of this journey of 40 days that I am taking is about finding myself in God or finding or finding my identity in God....which also goes along with trusting in God. There are many concepts which are all connected and can only be understood in simple terms by separating them from the whole. Separating them from the whole hardly does them justice. I am not trying to understand the fullness of Christ all at once. I have no power to do that. I have no power to forward myself in this journey, I can only present myself as I am before Christ professing my many sins, and asking for forgiveness and strength in repentance.
I pray that God will fill me with His love and give me the discernment to do His will. I am His servant.
The emotional toll of my bodily sickness has weighed me down today. I feel depressed, but I keep praying that God might use my weakness to bring me closer to Him. I pray that I might learn deeper meanings and truth from the death of my own dreams and the surrender of my will to Christ.
I am a meager servant, only by His grace have I been saved and I am forever thankful. I hope that by His grace He might let me experience His great love and peace that I so long for.
I thought this verse is perfect for my baptismal birthday, to remind me that I have been marked with the seal of the Holy Spirit.
Part of this journey of 40 days that I am taking is about finding myself in God or finding or finding my identity in God....which also goes along with trusting in God. There are many concepts which are all connected and can only be understood in simple terms by separating them from the whole. Separating them from the whole hardly does them justice. I am not trying to understand the fullness of Christ all at once. I have no power to do that. I have no power to forward myself in this journey, I can only present myself as I am before Christ professing my many sins, and asking for forgiveness and strength in repentance.
I pray that God will fill me with His love and give me the discernment to do His will. I am His servant.
The emotional toll of my bodily sickness has weighed me down today. I feel depressed, but I keep praying that God might use my weakness to bring me closer to Him. I pray that I might learn deeper meanings and truth from the death of my own dreams and the surrender of my will to Christ.
I am a meager servant, only by His grace have I been saved and I am forever thankful. I hope that by His grace He might let me experience His great love and peace that I so long for.
Ash Wednesday
This is the beginning of the 40-day fast. I am excited and nervous. I truly want to hold true to my promises. I want to go through this time and give everything I have and everything I am to Christ.
I was reading a little on Lent, and the passage referred to Jesus spending 40 days in the desert where he was tempted 3 times by satan. All 3 times Jesus cited scripture to fight the temptations that satan offered. When I think about this in the context of my own life, I realize that I do not go straight to scripture or straight to God when fighting temptations of sin. I instead try to rely on my own resources and I end up falling into the sin no matter what I try. If Jesus turns to God in His temptations, then who am I to say that I am stronger than Jesus? I clearly am far less powerful and wise and loving than Jesus. I am weak and prideful and vain. I need His help. I need His guidance in every decision that I make in every thought that I think and in every word that comes out of my mouth.
My prayer today is that God would enter my heart and give me the strength to overcome temptation and sins. That He would be Lord over my life and guide me through this wilderness. I desire to only to turn to Him, but even in turning to Him I am weak and often falter. His will be done. I am His servant.
Lent Fasting Final List:
*no purging
*daily prayer/meditation
*daily scripture reading
*daily taking insulin and blood sugars
*daily nutrition
*daily journaling
*daily spiritual reading
This list might seem long, but this is my small attempt to give up or surrender things that I know are keeping me from the love of God. I will probably be posting here, quite often, b/c I want to keep true to this list and this commitment.
May the Lord bless and guide me on this 40 day journey.
I was reading a little on Lent, and the passage referred to Jesus spending 40 days in the desert where he was tempted 3 times by satan. All 3 times Jesus cited scripture to fight the temptations that satan offered. When I think about this in the context of my own life, I realize that I do not go straight to scripture or straight to God when fighting temptations of sin. I instead try to rely on my own resources and I end up falling into the sin no matter what I try. If Jesus turns to God in His temptations, then who am I to say that I am stronger than Jesus? I clearly am far less powerful and wise and loving than Jesus. I am weak and prideful and vain. I need His help. I need His guidance in every decision that I make in every thought that I think and in every word that comes out of my mouth.
My prayer today is that God would enter my heart and give me the strength to overcome temptation and sins. That He would be Lord over my life and guide me through this wilderness. I desire to only to turn to Him, but even in turning to Him I am weak and often falter. His will be done. I am His servant.
Lent Fasting Final List:
*no purging
*daily prayer/meditation
*daily scripture reading
*daily taking insulin and blood sugars
*daily nutrition
*daily journaling
*daily spiritual reading
This list might seem long, but this is my small attempt to give up or surrender things that I know are keeping me from the love of God. I will probably be posting here, quite often, b/c I want to keep true to this list and this commitment.
May the Lord bless and guide me on this 40 day journey.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
2/22/12
Is the beginning of Lent. It is also the anniversary of my baptism, which I think is significant.
Just a recap of my Lent fasting:
*no purging
*reading God's word daily
*daily prayer
*taking blood sugar and insulin
*journaling
*taking time for spiritual reading
*finding ways to connect to God and others
I want to journal about this experience here, but also in my journal. I think it's important to have both as an outlet. This small list may not seem like much to some people, but for me it will be quite difficult. However, I want to humble myself before God and give Him the things which I am attached to. I want to surrender my wants and my dreams to Him so that I might take on the identity of Christ and the will of Christ.
Just a recap of my Lent fasting:
*no purging
*reading God's word daily
*daily prayer
*taking blood sugar and insulin
*journaling
*taking time for spiritual reading
*finding ways to connect to God and others
I want to journal about this experience here, but also in my journal. I think it's important to have both as an outlet. This small list may not seem like much to some people, but for me it will be quite difficult. However, I want to humble myself before God and give Him the things which I am attached to. I want to surrender my wants and my dreams to Him so that I might take on the identity of Christ and the will of Christ.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Different types of fasting:
I have been thinking about my desire to fast for the 40 days of lent and I have reconsidered the juice fasting aspect. I am not in the best health to be doing a 40 day juice fast. I also think that for me a juice fast would not be an act of honoring God b/c I would make it about me.
New Fast:
*refraining from Facebook
*keep a daily journal, meditating, and praying
*fasting from willfulness--I tend to be a willful person, meaning that I go with what I want and what I say, so the idea is that I will rely on God rather than my own will.
*fasting from self destructive coping mechanisms--this is just to say that for the next 40 days I want to do my best to take care of my bodily health, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I think that this list is more along the lines of things that I have heard God speaking into my life. Right now, I have begun to develop the habit of praying and reading His word daily. I have also started to journal again. I good word for the next 40 days is simplicity.
May God guide me and all those who seek Him.
New Fast:
*refraining from Facebook
*keep a daily journal, meditating, and praying
*fasting from willfulness--I tend to be a willful person, meaning that I go with what I want and what I say, so the idea is that I will rely on God rather than my own will.
*fasting from self destructive coping mechanisms--this is just to say that for the next 40 days I want to do my best to take care of my bodily health, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
I think that this list is more along the lines of things that I have heard God speaking into my life. Right now, I have begun to develop the habit of praying and reading His word daily. I have also started to journal again. I good word for the next 40 days is simplicity.
May God guide me and all those who seek Him.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Seeking God Daily
I struggle with finding my identity in Christ. I have this thought that there is some big thing I need to do to change or become different. The truth is, it might be simpler than I thought.
I can see that we become like that which we love. If I begin to seek Christ, to know Him, also understanding that ultimately I can't 'know' everything about HIm....but to be in conversation and communion with Him. I am beginning to see that this may be the way. This may be the way to finding my identity in Christ.
I have had a rough day with emotions and physical sickness. When these things happen (which they happen often) I find myself seeking out temporary solutions to my pain. I seek out control over my chores and daily activities, control over my intake of food and the amount of exercise I do....and my seeking goes on and on and I never find satisfaction in these things. I am starting to see that with every temptation, with every thought that is disordered, with every situation and feeling and thought in my life, I need God. I need to go to God in prayer. Fervent prayer, unceasing prayer.
I can see that we become like that which we love. If I begin to seek Christ, to know Him, also understanding that ultimately I can't 'know' everything about HIm....but to be in conversation and communion with Him. I am beginning to see that this may be the way. This may be the way to finding my identity in Christ.
I have had a rough day with emotions and physical sickness. When these things happen (which they happen often) I find myself seeking out temporary solutions to my pain. I seek out control over my chores and daily activities, control over my intake of food and the amount of exercise I do....and my seeking goes on and on and I never find satisfaction in these things. I am starting to see that with every temptation, with every thought that is disordered, with every situation and feeling and thought in my life, I need God. I need to go to God in prayer. Fervent prayer, unceasing prayer.
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